My journey has been long and profoundly transformative, marked by trials that shaped who I am today. It began with the heartbreaking loss of my mother to suicide when I was just a child. This tragedy led me to navigate a complex landscape of foster homes, where I encountered diverse backgrounds and belief systems. I explored a tapestry of religions, from Catholicism to Mormonism, even attending the Church of Latter-day Saints. Each experience ignited a spark of curiosity within me, prompting deep questions and ultimately guiding me to find renewed meaning in my personal faith.

Throughout my school years, I sought solace in a non-denominational church, participating in vibrant events like Acquire the Fire. These gatherings filled me with a profound sense of love and acceptance, offering me a refuge where I could begin to heal from the wounds of my past. For the first time, I felt the embrace of Christ, leading me towards a place of belonging in a world that often felt harsh and unforgiving.

However, my life took a significant turn in September 2001, when I felt a compelling call to join the United States Military. While I won’t delve into the specifics of my service, I can honestly say it ignited a wave of anger within me towards Christ. This period plunged me into a dark abyss of pain, loneliness, and disconnection from my true self.

In the years that followed, I wrestled with my demons, often turning to alcohol as a means of escape. I made choices that pushed me further away from who I truly wanted to be. In my anguish, I questioned the very existence of Christ, casting Him as the architect of my suffering—a narrative I clung to in my despair.

Then, seven years ago this October, I made a pivotal decision to confront my addiction and put down the bottle. I embarked on a journey to rediscover my identity, carefully peeling away the layers that the military had imposed upon me. Yet, even as I sought healing, I still battled with simmering anger and spiritual disconnection. A year ago, I crossed paths with a friend who illuminated an important truth: the Lord would never abandon me, no matter the depth of my struggles. This realization was a lifeline, urging me to reach out for forgiveness—for both myself and the divine.